Go back to look at us That proposal, which may seem simple, is for the educational psychologist Liliana González one of the biggest challenges we have in a world where we live apparently hyperconnected. And it is also the title of his tenth book – the first written with the collaboration of his daughter, Natalia Brusa-,
Go back to look at us The reunion with our children and students in times of urgency and technology, which he presented on Friday at the Book Fair.
Visiting Buenos Aires, the Cordovan woman, who has been involved in education for more than 50 years and whose videos with messages for parents and teachers have become viral, spoke about the consequences of the misuse of cell phones and electronic devices in general. everything in the smallest.
– Highlights the difference between seeing and looking, what is it?
-Ver is a matter of the eye, but looking is another thing, implies the whole being, the whole subject. The gaze builds subjectivity. When the human puppy is born, helpless and helpless, it could not become a psychic subject. He does it because someone lodges him in love and does not abandon him. In this act that begins with breastfeeding, milk does not come alone, it is not a serum: when you breastfeed it, you look at it. And in that look, I hope there is love, because in it the baby is anchored in life. I am very worried about the distracted moms in the WhatsApp while giving the bottle or the breast, because they are depriving that son of love. That mom maybe later feels it to eat the porridge with the cartoons and we are in it. They were losing and hacking those eating spaces looking at us and listening to us.
-Why does it cost us so much the real encounter with the other?
-Every day we work more for basic needs, but also for invented needs. A father told me that he worked from 8 to 20 and that entering the garage, he prayed that his children were asleep, because he arrived without rest. I asked him why he worked so much. He replied: “So that nothing lacks.” He added: “Oh, I'm missing them.” He realized that for nothing to be lacking, he was missing a dad wanting to play or chat. There is a lot of “ombliguism” and it would seem that there is little time for the boys. We choose what world we want for our children: if I want a world of words or one of images, if I want them to know all the animated cartoons or read them a story. The baby does not ask for an electronic pacifier, we give it to him and we have to fight against that comfort that often serves to soothe a whim.
-What would you say to dads and mothers worried because their children make excessive use of technology?
– Before the two years do not have to expose them to the screens. Therefore, I would tell them to know the subject and take a position, because when you know what you want for your children it is easier to say no, filter and set schedules. The technology is here to stay. I am not against its use. In the first five years, the children have to build symbolic thinking: draw, paint, cut out, assemble puzzles, look at the sky, get bored and everything that is motor for creation and fantasy. We have to return to leave letters under the pillow, that the writing at home also serves for communication. We must give time to the word, the story and the example. Because if mom and dad can not leave the cell phone at any time of the day, even when they eat, how are we going to ask the same for the kids? A childhood without a game is a childhood with severe problems of learning later and with many problems of socialization.
-Today there is a lot of talk about limits. Do they ask you about how to put them?
-Today the limits are in trouble. Parents ask me for the most effective penance. What I would like you to ask me is how do I, in that little time that I have, love reach my son, the idea that is valuable to me. It is about listening again and looking at us. I'm telling parents something that is cheap and that seems to work: someday, not all, turn off all the lights of the house when they arrive, put a large candle on the table, all sitting around, and let it be a little while to tell us things There are some minutes where the magic of listening to us enters. There will only be word and look. The two things that constitute the human being. If they do not look at us, neither speak nor listen, we do not humanize ourselves.
-And that's where the time of love you're talking about comes in and it's important to recover.
– Did you see when people talk about “quality of time”? It's true, quantity is not as much as quality. But it also takes a while. A father told me: “I do not have time, but I give it quality of time on Sundays, I'm going to play golf because it takes my stress away and they accompany me”. That is not quality of time. Going back to look at us is an invitation to look at ourselves as parents, mothers, teachers, civil servants and citizens. Because always the fault is of the other. More than waiting for a leader to solve all the problems we have to start looking for leadership everywhere, to do small things for each one of us.
–Where do you start?
-The change has to be born of us. We proclaim ethics but every day there are daily non-ethical acts, such as getting into a row that does not correspond to us or not paying taxes. If we adults think that children look at us, listen to us, copy us … We are referents. We say that boys today do not respect authority, and us? That they do not read, and us? That they do not leave the cell phone, and us?
– The invitation is to look at us, the adults, first.
-This return to look at us is to ask us how we are doing. Let's stop along the way, do workshops with parents, ask the school to house us in another way, not to call us just to announce things or to challenge us, but there is a place where once a month dads together think how They are doing. Because while the guys are with us, the links can be modified. Sometimes I tell parents: “When you hear a little noise in the car, what do you do?” And they respond: “Oh, I'll take it to the workshop quickly because I do not want to run out of cars”. Well, when we hear a little noise in the bond, that son who does not speak to you, who does not look at you, who challenges you all the time, that difficult son, let's stop, let's go to the workshop. While they are with us, there is time.